


Azure Flower: Crimson Moon

by purplesan



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ashe is pretty depressed and self-loathing in this you have been warned, Azure Moon Route, Azure Moon!Dedue, Character Death, Crimson Flower Route, Crimson Flower!Ashe, Crossing Timelines, Divine Pulse (Fire Emblem), Divine Pulse Angst (Fire Emblem), Divine Pulse Deaths (Fire Emblem), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Routes merging together, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Sylvix is hinted at, Timelines, When you run out of divine pulses but you gotta make that ship canon somehow, ashedue, dedashe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:42:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25826854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplesan/pseuds/purplesan
Summary: He was supposed to be dead.At least, that’s what falling from such a height usually did to a mere human being. Ashe wasn’t an expert when it came to physics, but he was pretty sure that’s how it worked.The impact had never come, though. He’d landed on the ground with nothing more than a soft thump.The light from before was slowly fading now too, urging him to open his eyes.Ah.He was dead then after all.But somehow, against all his expectations, he’d ended up in heaven.‘Dedue.’The other man was staring down at him with pure disbelief in his eyes.Had he let him down yet again, by dying so soon?___________________________Crimson Flower!Ashe wakes up in the Azure Moon timeline...he's not about to make the same mistakes twice.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !!WARNING!! If you didn't read the tags: aside from in-battle deaths, Ashe attempts to take his own life in this. If you're sensitive to that, beware, or turn back now, please.

_Azure Moon_

It had been a fairly uneventful battle at first, with few deaths and a seemingly hopeful outcome. There were always the _near_ -death experiences, but with the professor's carefully-crafted strategies, they usually turned out unscathed in the end. Such had been the case in many past battles, and seemed to be the case once again this time.

Until some hidden group of archers had shot Ashe out of the sky, that is.

Nobody had seen them coming. They'd been stationed in a way that would enable them to lure in flying units and then shoot them down when they were defenceless.

It was a nasty trap, and they really should have expected this much from the Imperial army, but in that moment they were helpless.

All of them could only watch as Ashe plummeted from his wyvern, letting out one last bone-chilling scream before the impact with the ground killed him almost instantly.

The creature tried to reach out for the young man, but it merely succeeded in crashing down alongside of him, unable to remain in the air with it’s ripped, blood-stained wings any longer.

Their professor let out an almost equally horrific scream, reaching out her hand as if that would somehow be able to miraculously turn back the hands of time. To no one’s surprise except her own, perhaps, nothing happened. They didn’t expect it to, but deep down, there had been a naïve spark of hope that she would be able to make things okay, as she always did.

Not even a reincarnated Goddess could bring back the dead, huh?

It didn’t take long for Mercedes to come running, always keeping a close, motherly eye on all her friends, but not even an experienced healer such as herself could possibly revert this kind of damage.

Ashe was gone, mangled body exposed for everyone to see.

When some of the other Blue Lions came to join them, Mercedes did everything she could to prevent them from letting them see their fallen comrade. Annette tried to get closer to her friend, but the older woman clasped a hand over her eyes in precaution, begging her not to.

‘You don’t want to see him like this.’ she breathed out. ‘It’s better to preserve your memory of him as it is.’

No one commented on the fact those words came out in a shaky, unsteady voice.

Ashe had been a good person. He didn't deserve any of this.

'I'll have that woman's head…' Dimitri hissed, but the unspoken thought of whether that would really bring Ashe any peace remained exactly that; unspoken.

* * *

_Azure Moon_

As if in a cruel twist of fate, Dedue re-joined their ranks about a month later.

No one seemed surprised that his priorities were with His Highness, but there was an unmistakably hopeful look on his face after speaking with him. The man looked almost expectant: searching the crowd for a face he wouldn’t find.

No one quite knew how to tell him.

‘He’s gone.’ Byleth eventually broke the silence.

The change of expression on Dedue’s face was immediate. He’d never been one to show his emotions freely, but the news visibly caused the hopeful glint to fade from his eyes.

‘I see.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Dedue didn’t say much else, but quietly retreated to the greenhouse upon returning to the monastery.

The other Blue Lions knew better than to disturb him, and didn’t question it when the greenhouse was overflowing with freshly-grown violets a few days later.

None of them were strangers to mourning.

* * *

_Crimson Flower_

They’d won.

They’d won, and Ashe should be feeling happy.

So why then, did he feel so empty inside? Why was there no satisfaction whatsoever?

He’d betrayed _everyone_ , just to save his own skin. It made him feel the same way as he had back then, when he still had to steal and deceive to get by.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all. He wasn’t supposed to be that person anymore, and yet here he was.

He noticed the way Sylvain had tried to talk to him, broken as the man himself was. He’d tried the same for Felix, but Felix had been a lost cause ever since striking down his own father.

Not that Ashe was any better, but perhaps Sylvain deemed him naïve enough to try and convince him life was still worth living.

Mercedes and Annette tried too, with their freshly-baked goods and attempts to get him out of his room. They’d tried to get him to cook with them once, but he’d nearly ended up bursting into tears because of all the memories attached to that place.

Now, he just felt empty.

With the war over, there was time to take in the reality of what he’d done.

He’d betrayed his country, his king, his friends, and most importantly-…

_Dedue._

Ashe recalled the horrible sight of a soulless beast staring right through him, no longer resembling the man he knew whatsoever.

Fighting was easy if it was the only way to keep yourself alive. He’d always made the wrong decisions, siding with the people who only ever brought him misfortune and sorrow. So when the professor had given him the choice to either join their army or run away, he’d stayed like a coward.

How was he to know dying would have been the kinder option?

Only at Tailtean plains did he realize he’d made the wrong decision once again.

The professor had purposely left the former Blue Lion students either at Garreg Mach, or a completely different side of the battlefield, but even from such a distance, Ashe’s well-trained archer eyes had been able to spot the betrayed look on Dedue’s face.

He’d nearly gotten himself stabbed in the chest because of the distraction, and by the next time he got the opportunity to look, Dedue had already transformed himself into a demonic beast; his last-ditch attempt at protecting His Highness.

Ashe’s heart had clenched painfully in his chest, and somehow, the young man was convinced the pain of witnessing that had never fully gone away.

Which is perhaps what had brought him here, standing high up on the Goddess Tower, albeit not to make any vows.

He remembered back in their school days, many students had come up here to make promises to one another.

_He wondered how many of them had broken said promises by dying in the war shortly after._

Ashe took in a shaky breath and looked at the ground far beneath him.

He felt kind of selfish, standing here.

So many people had given their lives to see the war come to an end, and here he was, alive and well, ready to willingly take what so many others had lost against their will.

He briefly wondered if they’d hold it against him.

Annette would cry, if she had any tears left after all the ones she’d shed already. Sylvain would retreat into his own mind just a little further (though there wasn’t much more damage he could do with Felix practically gone already). The professor would mourn for him. And his siblings-…

Well, he’d gone back to see them once, in Gaspard territory. They’d grown up while he hadn’t been around to see, and frankly, he didn’t think they needed him anymore.

He loved them with everything he had, but he’d changed past the point of recognition, his old self long gone, and he didn’t think they’d like this new version of him.

In fact, they were probably better off without a depressed older brother dragging them down. Gaspard hadn’t been this lively since Lonato had died, and that was saying something. Ashe had been kind of overwhelmed by it when visiting, actually.

His brother and sister would be fine. They had a roof over their heads, food on their plates, and people around who cared for them.

There was a small, annoying part of his brain that not-so-kindly reminded him he was probably just trying to convince himself this was okay, when in reality it was just another one of his selfish decisions.

He didn’t know what to think anymore.

He liked to tell himself all of his decisions had only ever been to protect the people he cared about, and while that might have been true in a way, it begged the question as to how he’d still managed to betray so many of them in the end.

After so long of making all the wrong decisions, maybe this would be the right one. If he felt certain when making the wrong decisions, maybe his uncertainty now meant he was actually right?

It was naïve, admittedly, but he didn’t have much else to hold on to.

Ashe was tired.

Looking down made him feel light-headed and dizzy, which was ironic considering he’d been flying a wyvern only weeks before.

The young man took a deep breath. So long of grasping at anything that even remotely resembled a lifeline had him doubting things now. He couldn’t feel his knuckles anymore from clutching the stone railing, as if his body hadn’t quite come to terms with it either.

‘I can do this…’ he murmured, slowly releasing his grip to take a hesitant step forward. He _had_ to. He didn’t think he could live another day of telling himself he didn’t have the right to be alive. Not when the people he cared most about, was _supposed to_ care most about, were gone because of him.

Well, partially, anyway. It didn’t matter. He’d indirectly helped cause their death, so he may as well have swung the weapon himself.

The memory was blurry, but the aching in his chest wouldn’t cease.

He wanted it to stop. If he didn’t have the right to live, would he at least have the right to die, or would he fail at that as well?

Ashe took another step forward, less hesitant this time. It wasn’t the heroic death he’d always imagined, but he didn’t care at the moment. He used to believe if he strived to be just like the knights in his books long enough, he’d eventually become like them, but that had been a childish dream.

He was nothing like them.

He was a coward.

A coward that had betrayed his country and his people, and nothing more than that.

Ashe took his last step.

It wasn’t really a step at all, if he thought about it. It was more of a leap, when he felt his body tilt over the edge.

No going back now, either way. There was nothing to grab hold of, even if he’d wanted to.

He wondered how Dedue had experienced his last moments. Had he suffered? Had he been conscious at all?

He hoped it had been painless.

The air soared around him, faster and louder until-…

…was someone calling out for him?

_‘Ashe!!’_

A second before hitting the ground, he could see the professor reaching out for him frantically.

Then, a flash of purplish light.

Funny. Didn’t people always describe dying with a white light?

* * *

_ Azure Moon _

He was supposed to be dead.

At least, that’s what falling from such a height usually did to a mere human being. Ashe wasn’t an expert when it came to physics, but he was pretty sure that’s how it worked.

The impact had never come, though. He was lying on the ground, yes, but he’d landed with nothing more than a soft thump. The light was slowly fading from around him too, urging him to open his eyes.

Ah.

He _was_ dead then.

But somehow, against all his expectations, he’d ended up in heaven.

_‘Dedue.’_

The other man was staring down at him with pure disbelief in his eyes.

Had he let him down yet again, by dying so soon?

‘Ashe-…’ he breathed out, sounding about as shocked as he looked. It wasn’t like Dedue to show his emotions so freely, which made Ashe briefly wonder if maybe he’d ended up in some sort of alternate universe after all, solely made to punish him. Dedue looking at him with disappointment in his eyes would be enough of a punishment on its own.

At the moment though, the other didn’t look disappointed at all. He looked almost… _relieved?_

But why?

‘What’s going on?’ a familiar voice echoed, getting closer. ‘I thought I saw someone falling from the-…’

_No._

Mercedes was coming their way, walking at first but running once she took in the sight of him. Upon reaching them, she fell down onto her knees, hand clasped over her mouth in shock.

‘Ashe…’ she breathed out. ‘But how…?’

She sounded so helpless, as if she’d just witnessed something impossible. A lump started forming in Ashe’s throat.

‘You’re supposed to be _alive_...’ he whispered. ‘Why are you here?’

The woman looked troubled at that. ‘What are you talking about? You’re the one who-…’

‘Don’t, please.’ Dedue interrupted her, sternly, but almost in a pleading manner. Mercedes sucked in a breath, but didn’t finish her previous sentence, making Ashe wonder what she’d originally wanted to say.

‘You know just as well as I do that this cannot be real.’ she told him, at which Dedue narrowed his eyes. ‘No spell can bring back the dead.’

Ah. So he _had_ died then.

‘Perhaps you were mistaken then.’ Dedue said, sounding almost defensive. ‘Perhaps he survived.’

‘No.’ Mercedes stated, shaking her head solemnly. ‘You didn’t see him lying there, not like we did.’

‘You all believed me to be dead for months too. It’s not impossible.’ Dedue argued. It wasn’t like him to go against his friends like this, Ashe noted.

Mercedes didn’t look convinced. _Hopeful_ sure, but in the way when asking for something you knew you wouldn’t get anyway. ‘It could be a trap. It all seems a little too convenient, doesn’t it? He cannot possibly be here, and you know it.’

There was a certain pang of regret in Ashe’s chest at that. Of course he knew he didn’t _belong_ in heaven, but there was no need to rub it in, was there? He’d hoped _Mercedes_ at least didn’t think of him so negatively, considering she’d joined the Empire with him. Unless this was just the beginning of his own personal hell.

The Goddess was nowhere to be found, so perhaps that wasn’t even the strangest conclusion.

Unless the Church of Seiros had been lying about that too. 

‘I’ll go get the professor.’ Mercedes eventually said. She seemed hesitant, as if she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with their current situation either. ‘She’ll know what to do.’

And just like that, she scurried off, leaving just the two of them.

An awkward silence fell, which Ashe wasn’t sure how to fill.

 _“Hey, I’m sorry for betraying you and letting you die, but I’m sad now, so can you hold me please?”_ wasn’t really going to cut it. Not a single combination of words could make what he’d done okay.

‘I’m sorry.’ he eventually brought out, unable to bear the silence any longer. It didn’t matter what he said if Dedue was going to hate him regardless, but he wanted to apologize at least once. If this was truly hell, he reckoned he better start preparing for the other’s undoubtedly bitter reply.

He deserved it, of course, but it was still going to hurt.

That bitter look of betrayal never came. Instead, the man took a gentle hold of his hand. That ruled out the possibility of a coma-induced hallucination at least. For as far as Ashe knew, hallucinations weren’t capable of physical touch.

Then again, with the way things were now, he should probably not rule it out just yet. Heaven, hell, or hallucination…all of those things were still a viable option.

‘It’s alright. You’re here now.’

_What?_

That was _not_ what he’d expected to hear. Any variation of “I hate you” maybe, or perhaps just a glare if Dedue didn’t deem him worthy of speech. Not…whatever this was.

‘How can you say that so casually?’ he brought out, trying to swallow the lump in his throat for just a little longer. ‘I _betrayed_ you, I did all those awful things, and you’re just-…you’re just going to forgive me like that?’

He’d rarely seen Dedue get furious over anything, but this surely counted as something severe enough to do so, right?

The man merely sighed and shook his head. ‘If this is about my supposed death-…’ he started, seemingly unsure how to convey all of it himself. ‘ _Everyone_ thought I was gone. I myself was convinced of it at some point. I don’t blame you for mourning. You couldn’t have known.’ he explained, then hesitated. ‘My only regret is that I didn’t return in time to save you.’

That lump in Ashe’s throat was getting harder and harder to ignore now, and his vision was going blurrier by the second too. None of what Dedue was saying made any sense. What did he mean by _thinking him to be dead_? Had he survived the battle at Tailtean plains somehow?

And what did he mean with _“My only regret is that I didn’t return in time to save you.”_?

Ashe wondered if he’d still jumped from the Goddess Tower if Dedue had been there to stop him. Not that it made any sense as to why he would care, after everything that had happened, but the thought was-…

A hint of a smile crept onto Dedue’s face. ‘You’re here _now_. That’s all that matters.’

Ashe wanted to say something, but by the time he found the words, they were already interrupted.

‘What’s all this commotion about?’

As promised, Mercedes had returned with the professor by her side.

Something was definitely wrong. He was certain that when he fell she’d been alive. He’d _seen_ her.

It slowly began to dawn on him the chances of him having actually died were slim. But if he _was_ still alive, why did all of his friends act so strange?

The professor took a step back upon seeing him, sucking in a deep breath.

‘Ashe.’

‘…Professor?’

She looked shaky and pale, almost as if she’d seen a ghost.

‘…Did you save me?’ he asked. It was the only logical explanation. She’d been there, reaching out for him. Perhaps she had somehow managed to land a spell, or…used her godly powers? It still didn’t explain why Dedue was here, but he wasn’t sure how else to make sense of the situation otherwise.

If he wasn’t dead, then what had happened?

In that moment she looked sadder than he’d ever seen her. Professor Byleth had never been one to show much emotion, but right now she looked… _heartbroken_.

‘No.’ she brought out. ‘I _failed_ to. That’s why I don’t understand how you’re _here_.’

That didn’t make any sense.

‘You didn’t die, did you?’ he asked her worriedly. ‘Please tell me you didn’t die trying to save me.’

The sadness on her face was slowly replaced by confusion. ‘What?’

‘I heard you calling out for me, when I fell. If you died trying to save me somehow, I’d never forgive myself.’

At that, she quietly knelt down next to Dedue.

‘You remember me calling out to you?’ she asked softly.

He nodded, and met her eyes. ‘I think you used some kind of spell before I hit the ground, but I’m not sure.’

The professor shook her head. ‘That can’t be. I ran out of divine pulses long before your fall.’

Mercedes looked at him in an almost distrusting way, and he didn’t think he’d ever seen her like that before. It was so unlike her to see the bad in people rather than the good.

‘Ashe, do you remember?’ she asked him, softly, but sternly. ‘Do you remember how you died?’

He hesitated for a moment. ‘You’re really going to make me say it?’

The woman’s eyes looked solemn, but she nodded. ‘It’s the only way to determine if you’re telling the truth. I’m sorry.’

Well, no taking it back now.

‘…I…let myself fall from the Goddess Tower.’

Mercedes shot the professor a look. ‘He could be an impostor.’ she hesitantly stated.

Ashe’s blood ran cold.

‘If he knows this little, it’s the only thing I can think of. Someone’s trying to use an old comrade to infiltrate our ranks, but they clearly didn’t do their research.’

‘Hold on…what?’ Ashe brought out, sitting up properly now. There was a slight banging in his head that didn’t seem to want to fade, but even worse perhaps was the pain he felt when Dedue slowly retracted his hand.

The man’s eyes narrowed, and the archer felt small under his gaze. It didn’t compare to the judging look he’d given him from across the battlefield, but it was close.

‘What’s your favourite flower?’

‘Violets.’

It was an obvious answer.

‘What’s _mine_?’

Now that was a good question. Dedue hadn’t had many friends back in their school days. He got along with his fellow classmates just fine, but any attempts at forming deeper bonds were quickly dismissed. He feared people would talk _because he was from Duscur_ , and Ashe had been one of the very few people who had managed to get close.

(Not that he’d had much of a choice; Ashe could be very persistent when he wanted to be).

 _No one_ knew Dedue’s favourite flower, for as far as Ashe was aware. He hadn’t ever seen the other spend time in the greenhouse with anyone but him, which had made him feel somewhat special back in the day.

If an impostor were to take his place, there was no way they could have gotten that information from anyone.

‘Gladioluses.’ Ashe replied plainly.

‘It’s him.’

Not a single hint of hesitation. It made Ashe’s heart feel lighter than it had in weeks. This Dedue wanted him to be real as much as _he_ wanted _Dedue_ to be real and alive.

‘But that doesn’t make any sense at all.’ the professor stated, looking back and forth between her two former students. ‘We all saw him die at Ailell. Is there absolutely no way someone could have gotten that knowledge from anywhere else?’

‘It _is_ very specific…’ Mercedes murmured softly. ‘And they couldn’t have known that was what we were going to ask.’

‘I understand if you don’t trust me.’ Ashe brought out. ‘And you have no reason whatsoever to tell me, but…how _did_ I die then?’

If he hadn’t done so from jumping down the Goddess tower, what had happened?

‘You were shot out of the sky at Ailell.’ the professor told him after some contemplation. ‘There was a group of hidden archers. I failed to keep you safe.’

Ailell, the Valley of Torment? What were they doing there?

‘What were you doing all the way in Ailell?’ he carefully asked.

Byleth gave him a look. ‘You don’t remember?’

He didn’t. The fighting had long ceased. Why would they go to a place like Ailell? 

There was one _somewhat_ possible explanation, but that was crazy.

‘What month is it?’ he slowly asked.

Some more confused looks were shared between them.

‘Great Tree Moon. Why?’

Ashe’s face fell.

Oh.

‘The war is still going on.’ he whispered. ‘The battle at Tailtean hasn’t happened yet.’

He’d gone back in _time_.

He glanced in Dedue’s direction as he said this. That justified him being _alive_ at least. It didn’t explain why the man was here, at a monastery most likely swarming with Imperial soldiers, but it was slightly less confusing.

Something seemed to click in the professor’s head then.

‘You’re saying you saw the war end before?’

‘I…think so? That’s what I remember, at least.’ he admitted. ‘Right now I’m beginning to doubt even my own mind, though.’

‘So then it _is_ possible…’

‘Don’t keep us in suspense, professor.’ Mercedes said with a hopeful smile.

‘I…it’s possible Ashe is here because of the powers I got from Sothis.’ she started. ‘If Ashe claims to be from a future where the war already ended, that’s the only logical explanation I can think of. Either that, or someone managed to bring him back to life.’

Ashe thought for a while. If he had somehow found himself in the past, then what did that mean? Did he have the power to change things?

‘So…like time travel?’ Mercedes helpfully suggested.

The professor nodded hesitantly. ‘Something like that.’

‘Does that make sense to you?’ Dedue asked him.

‘I…guess so? There’s still some things that don’t add up, but it’s…the most plausible explanation.’

The professor nodded. ‘Right. That’s…good. I think.’

Ashe wouldn’t necessarily describe it as “good”, but it was better than being deemed an impostor.

‘What do we do now?’ Mercedes asked. ‘If we just let him walk around the monastery, people will think they’re seeing ghosts.’

‘We’ll take you to the infirmary.’ the professor simply stated. ‘Mercedes, did anyone see his body back at Ailell?’

‘Not from up close, I think.’ the woman replied. ‘What’s your plan?’

‘People might believe he survived. It’d make it easier for him to blend in while we try to figure out what’s going on.’

They seemed very keen on making his stay here permanent.

Ashe didn’t mind.

‘Are you okay with that?’ Dedue asked him.

‘You mean…am I okay with talking to my friends, who believe I’m dead, while I thought some of _them_ to be dead? Yeah. I think I’ll manage.’ he replied, accompanied by a soft laugh.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this _alive_ , which was ironic considering the whole situation.

‘First the infirmary, however.’ Mercedes reminded him. ‘That fall looked pretty dangerous.’

She'd gone back to her usual motherly behaviour now that she'd established his trustworthiness.

Aside from his headache, Ashe felt fine, but he nodded in agreement anyway. Arguing with Mercedes was futile.

‘I’ll take you there.’ Dedue said.

Before he could thank him, the professor spoke up. ‘In the meantime, I’ll discuss the situation with Dimitri.’ she stated. ‘If he’ll listen.’

Hold on, what?

‘What about Edelgard?’ Ashe murmured, even more confused. Their theory about time travel came crashing down almost as quickly as it had come.

The professor mirrored his look of confusion and met his gaze hesitantly. ‘What about her?’

‘Nothing.’ he quickly corrected himself. ‘It’s…nothing.’

It was probably best not to question too many things at once right now. If he did, maybe they’d decide he was an impostor after all. He kind of felt like one, if he was honest, but the temptation of blending into a world where his friends were still alive was too big to resist.

‘Right. Okay.’

‘Shall we?’

Dedue helped him up, and if his touch lingered longer than it probably should, Ashe wrote it off to his imagination.

Deep down, he kind of wished he could stay here, be it a coma-induced dream world from his fall, or reality.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Azure Moon _

Dedue hadn’t left his side at the infirmary ever since arriving there.

‘Are you comfortable?’ he asked as he’d laid Ashe down on one of the beds. It turned out Ashe had been dizzier than he thought at first, because he’d barely made it up the stairs without tripping.

Dedue had been there to catch him every time though.

‘Yes.’ he replied softly. ‘I am…’

How could he possibly explain what he was really feeling? He was confused, first and foremost, but nothing could compare to the sense of pure relief that Dedue was _alive_ here, somehow.

There was just one small thing bothering him.

‘Shouldn’t you be with His Highness?’

It was quiet for a while.

‘His Highness sent me away, wishing to be left alone.’

Somehow, that sentence felt heavier than it should be. This wasn’t just a friend sending him away for some alone-time, this was something more. If Dimitri was in any sort of state similar to the one he’d been in back in Ashe’s own time…well. That certainly explained why Dedue seemed so unhappy as he told him this.

It also meant, however, that Dimitri was here at the monastery, which was perhaps even more confusing.

‘I was in the greenhouse.’ Dedue told him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Talks about plants and flowers came natural, for some reason. It was a nice break from all the tragedy happening around them. A part of him once again longed for the days spent in the greenhouse with the other man, tending to the flowers and speaking only when both of them felt like it. Was he selfish, for wanting to experience that again?

‘What were you growing?’

Dedue remained quiet.

‘Dedue?’

The man seemed to hesitate for a while before answering.

‘…Violets.’

Ashe felt like his heart was positively leaping out of his chest. ‘Thank you.’

Dedue looked at him then, and he felt his cheeks burning. He’d missed this. He’d missed the small gestures they shared that were more meaningful than they could ever convey through words.

He’d missed Dedue.

The archer wanted to say something, but was interrupted by loud stumbling in the hallway, and then a door flying open.

‘Ashe!!’

Two mops of hair were in his face a second later, and he spluttered in an attempt not to get any in his mouth. Annette was sobbing into his shoulder as if her life depended on it, and Flayn was clutching his hand almost frighteningly tight. Behind them were a smiling Mercedes, and a slightly more composed Ingrid.

‘Welcome back.’ she said softly, and Ashe smiled.

‘We missed you so much, we thought you were gone, but you’re not and-…’ Annette rambled. ‘That’s…great…’

His private moment with Dedue would have to wait until a later time.

He’d missed all of his friends, though, so perhaps he didn’t mind that much. Seeing all these familiar faces, not yet broken by the war made him almost feel like crying. Ashe had no idea what this time he’d somehow landed himself in looked like, but so far it had only brought him joy, and reunions he’d never dared to hope for.

Sylvain and Felix came into the room a few seconds later, and Ashe couldn’t help but notice the way they naturally leaned towards each other while they walked, as if they complemented each other perfectly.

Not that he was about to comment on it.

It was just a…vast contrast to his own time, where Sylvain was uselessly trying to make Felix feel something when he couldn’t even make _himself_ do so. Not after everything they’d seen and done.

Their eyes were still shining with hope here. Everyone’s eyes were, actually.

Ashe wondered if that would rub off on _him_ too. If he could stay here, would he be able to change fate, so that these hopeful looks weren’t for naught?

‘It’s good to have you back.’ Sylvain told him while awkwardly patting his shoulder. Felix looked at him, and nodded in agreement.

It was getting stuffy and crowded in the small infirmary room, but somehow Ashe’s chest felt less constricted than it had in months.

He was especially shocked when professor Byleth came walking into the room with _Dimitri_.

‘Your Highness…’ he breathed out.

The prince looked at him with his one eye, a little frantic, as if he still believed it to be a trick on his mind.

‘Ashe.’

He sounded as relieved as the others did though, visibly calming down a little upon establishing he truly was here.

Did he not know of his betrayal? He must not have, for Ashe would have surely been killed on the spot otherwise.

‘You’ve returned to us…’

‘I…suppose I have.’ he murmured softly, not quite sure how to respond.

‘The professor has… _enlightened_ us, about your condition.’ Dimitri said. ‘It’s a sad fact, but it cannot be helped.’

Ashe met the professor’s eyes with slight panic. How much had she told him? How much had she told the others?

Would he have to justify his actions in his own time towards all of them?

‘Amnesia is a tricky business.’ Mercedes mused helpfully. ‘I believe he remembers who we are though. That’s what counts.’

Ashe hoped the sigh of relief he let out went unnoticed.

He didn’t know how long he’d have to keep up the excuse of amnesia, but it was better than having to explain to everyone he’d travelled across time somehow.

They likely wouldn’t even believe him.

This was for the better. He was sure of it, especially with the way they were looking, and holding on to him so dearly.

By the end of it, he couldn’t even tell if his wet cheeks were because of his own tears, or those from his friends.

‘We should probably leave now, so you can get some rest.’ the professor eventually said. She’d probably seen his eyes drooping, because if it hadn’t been for his exhaustion, Ashe wouldn’t have wanted this moment to ever end.

‘We’ll discuss any important matters tomorrow. For now, just try to get some sleep.’

The other Blue Lions soon left the infirmary, although most of them couldn’t do so before hugging him a million times first.

Dedue lingered, until eventually it was just the two of them once more.

‘I should…probably go too.’ he admitted, though Ashe really didn’t want him to.

‘Can’t you stay?’ he softly asked, only half-joking.

The look on Dedue’s face revealed he wanted to, but was feeling conflicted still.

‘I’ll stay until you fall asleep.’

It wouldn’t be long, considering Ashe’s heavy eyelids, but any extra minute he could sneak in was a win. ‘Thank you.’

When he closed his eyes and fell into his slumber soon after, he wasn’t able to tell if the soft kiss pressed to his forehead was a mere dream, or if Dedue truly had done so.

Either way, it would ensure him a pleasant night’s rest.

* * *

_ Azure Moon _

When Ashe awoke in the morning, Dedue was no longer there.

He himself was still in the infirmary however, and the note on the nightstand revealed he hadn’t simply hallucinated all the events from yesterday.

 ~~_Dear_ ~~ _Ashe,_

_I hope you're well, and that some rest has done you good._

_Please meet me in the greenhouse this afternoon. I could use some help repotting the flowers._

_-Dedue_

Ashe could barely make out the crossed out “dear”, but it was inevitably there, which brought a slight blush to his cheeks. There was also a small violet attached, which he tucked behind his ear carefully.

A smile made its way onto the young man’s face. Anyone else might have thought the note to be inconsiderate or short, but it was no such thing to him.

Meeting at the greenhouse, or cooking up a new dish in the kitchen together…those had always been their special moments. They meant a certain privacy, and allowed for them to talk freely without prying from others.

The moments often happened by pure coincidence (though, now that Ashe thought about it, perhaps he’d sort of tried to memorize at what times the other would most likely be at the greenhouse. And if he thought even deeper, perhaps Dedue had done the same, considering how often they ran into each other).

If either of them specifically _requested_ to meet, it meant they had something on their mind they couldn’t deal with on their own.

Ashe recalled the comfort Dedue had brought him after they’d killed Lonato.

It didn’t have to necessarily be a negative thing. He also recalled the time they’d saved a group of Duscur soldiers, and Dedue had taught him all about what flowers they used for special events back in his homeland. That mission had changed something, and Ashe was grateful for it.

Dedue hardly ever spoke of Duscur, so Ashe had listened with enthusiasm and curiosity. He loved hearing about something that meant so much to him.

Or rather, he loved seeing the fond expression on the other’s face as he spoke of those happy memories. But that was almost the same thing.

Ashe carefully folded the note back, and put it in his pocket. They had a lot to discuss, but Dedue had looked about as hopeful as he had himself. It was enough to reassure him that he could change things here; that he had a chance _not_ to mess things up.

His headache had ceased almost entirely, proving that it had likely been the cause of travelling across time, and not a permanent issue.

Would it be okay to explore the monastery? They’d told him before to stay put for the time being, considering people might get frightened, but all of his classmates had been there yesterday. To any of the soldiers roaming the monastery, he was just another former student.

Surely it would be okay.

Ashe quietly slipped out of bed, and checked to see if he was somewhat presentable. The sight in the mirror surprised him.

The bags under his eyes had faded significantly, and his eyes didn’t look as hazy as last time he’d bothered with a mirror. He remembered that just a few days before going to the Goddess Tower, he’d looked like a complete wreck.

He’d felt the part too, so maybe that explained it.

Not that he had time to dwell on it. He was keen to check out the monastery before meeting with Dedue, and he had to get some food in his stomach as well.

‘Oh. You’re awake already.’ a familiar voice said when he exited the infirmary.

Ashe’s blood ran cold. ‘Cyril?’

‘Yeah. You remember me?’

Right. They’d told everyone he had amnesia. That didn’t erase the fact Ashe had literally seen the younger man _die on the battlefield_ back in his own time.

Any of the church members previously acquainted with professor Byleth had still decided to side with Rhea, and Cyril had been no exception. It had kind of hurt, to see him go. Ashe liked to think they’d been friends at some point.

‘I do. Most of my memories are from before the war though.’

Not a lie per se. He recalled the interactions with Cyril before the war, so he knew what he was like and what he believed in. If the Ashe from this time had had any conversations with him after that however, he wouldn’t be able to know.

It was what frustrated him the most, if he was honest. The thing that set him apart from this world’s Ashe was that somehow, he’d been able to make the right decisions here.

And for some reason, that meant people were alive and at the monastery, unlike in his own time.

Had it truly made such a big difference?

‘Oh, that’s pretty neat.’ Cyril replied. ‘You won’t recall any of the horrible things that have happened.’

Ashe let out a soft laugh at that, easing the tension a little. He wished it was that easy.

‘Well, I do recall most of the horrible stuff, sadly. It’s the people I’m having trouble with.’

Cyril nodded. ‘That sucks.’ he stated. ‘I do hope your memories will return of course, but if they don’t, we’ll just make new ones. Everyone’s glad to have you back. I’m sure they’ll want to help out.’

Ashe liked the sound of that. ‘Thank you, Cyril.’

‘No problem.’ he replied, ready to get on with whatever he was doing. Then, he seemed to recall something. ‘Oh, right. The professor said to tell you she wants to speak to you this evening. Wanted you to take a day off before having to worry about hard stuff. Or so she said.’

Ashe nodded. ‘Will do.’

Cyril left him to his own devices after that.

The silver-haired archer wasn’t sure where to go first. He supposed the dining hall was as good a place to start as any, though the idea of seeing so many people at once frightened him a little.

It wasn’t as if he was easily intimidated, or shy. Petra had even complimented him on his haggling skills before, and one couldn’t be shy when attempting to haggle at Fódlan markets.

It was just that it had been a while, and there was the painful factor of him having contributed to the deaths of several people now happily wandering around the monastery.

Ashe let out a defeated sigh, though the feeling of dread was quickly replaced by something else as he walked through the lively monastery.

Faerghus banners were littering the halls, the familiar shade of blue catching his eye at almost every corner.

Suddenly, the things his friends had said yesterday made sense.

He didn’t have to worry about Edelgard’s opinion, because she wasn’t at the monastery at all. For whatever reason, Faerghus was using it as a base instead, which could mean-…

With the professor here, did that mean they were on the winning side of the war? 

It had made all the difference back in his own time. He was pretty sure that without her guidance, Edelgard wouldn’t have been able to achieve the same. If the professor wasn’t with her in this timeline, but rather with Dimitri…

What did that mean exactly?

It meant he wouldn’t be able to predict as much as he hoped he’d be able to. In which case it was probably better that most people believed him to have amnesia, rather than have come from the future. If he failed to predict a loss, or a death, would they blame him for it?

There was no point in worrying about that now though, so he continued his journey to the dining hall.

Ingrid was still there having breakfast, and she waved upon spotting him.

Ashe quickly went to get a plate and join her. His friendship with Ingrid hadn’t been easy in the beginning, but she was a good person. He’d argued with her in the past, mostly about her racism towards people of Duscur, but she’d come around. It was in fact her apology to Dedue that had made him accept her as a friend again.

Of course it had all gone to hell once the war started though. Unlike him, she hadn’t been a coward. She had fought for her country, and died in the process. Ashe hadn’t been there when it happened, but he’d laid out flowers for her upon hearing the news.

It didn’t make it any less awful, but it enabled him to meet her gaze now, at least.

If he’d actually seen her die, he didn’t think he’d be able to.

‘Hey. How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?’ she asked, taking another bite of her sandwich while waiting for his reply.

Ashe nodded, and toyed around with the food on his plate for a bit. ‘I slept well, my headache is almost entirely gone too.’ he explained.

‘That’s fantastic news.’ Ingrid told him, smiling softly. ‘I’m glad.’

‘Me too. Though I still feel guilty for not remembering everything…’

He was trying to keep any answers to his friends’ questions as genuine as possible. It just…felt right, that way.

‘You’ll get there.’ Ingrid reassured him, placing a hand over his for a moment. ‘We’re here for you either way, so don’t push yourself.’

Ashe nodded. ‘Did I…miss anything important?’

‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea if I give you too much information at once…people with amnesia tend to be sensitive to that, don’t they?’

Admittedly, he did have a headache upon arriving yesterday, so her concern didn’t come out of the blue.

‘I think I’ll be fine if it’s just a summary.’ he reassured her. ‘I just want to make sure I don’t end up hurting someone.’

At that, she seemed to think for a moment. ‘How much do you remember?

‘Anything from before the war is complete, for as far as I can tell. The five years from before coming back to the monastery are…hazy, but decent. Anything after that is kind of a blur though.’

Ingrid nodded. ‘Well, I can’t tell you much about what happened at Gaspard of course, but most of us went back to our own territories to defend from enemy forces there. His Highness was thought to be dead for a long time…’ she explained. ‘And…Dedue too.’

‘…Dedue was thought to be dead?’

He should probably care more about his king being dead than about his friend, but that didn’t matter at the moment.

Ingrid’s eyes widened slightly. ‘He was. I would’ve thought you’d remember that at least. You were very upset about it…you didn’t leave your room for weeks after you received the news.’

That sounded a little too familiar for his liking.

‘But both of them turned out to be alive, in the end, judging from how things are now.’ Ashe murmured softly. ‘How did that happen?’

‘His Highness was originally meant to be executed at the Empire, but Dedue took his place in order to save him.’ she explained. ‘And then we met with both him and the professor back at the monastery because of our promise all those years ago. Do you…remember that?’

‘I remember the promise, and coming back here…but I don’t recall the reunion.’ he admitted. In his time, he merely recalled a reunion with _Edelgard_. It turned out the professor really had chosen a completely different side to fight on here.

‘It was then that His Highness told us about Dedue’s sacrifice.’ she continued. Ashe was kind of grateful for the fact she was mainly focussing on that part. She could tell it was what worried him the most, which once again reminded him of how well she used to know him.

‘His Highness told us what had happened. You-…you did not take it well.’ she merely said, not elaborating further. ‘Dedue was thought to be dead for months, and we just carried on fighting under His Highness.’

Ashe didn’t miss the quiet mumble under her breath. ‘Even though he was making reckless decisions…’

She quickly corrected herself upon realizing what she’d just said. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be saying those things.’

‘You’re right, though.’ Ashe told her. ‘Even I recall him being…not at his best.’

‘That’s one way of putting it.’

Then, she continued. ‘Of course, like you saw…Dedue actually survived. But-…’

‘But?’

‘You di-… _disappeared_ just a month prior. It was your turn to pretend to be dead, it seems. It’s almost unsettling how many times we’ve had this shock now…’

Ingrid’s voice drifted to the background as he thought about this.

The Ashe of this world had never gotten to reunite with Dedue. In fact, he’d believed the man to be dead until his last breath. Meanwhile Dedue had to live with the knowledge that he’d been _too late_ , and Ashe was gone just as he returned.

_Both him and Dedue had believed each other to be dead for Goddess-knows how long._

Suddenly the words he’d spoken the day before made sense.

_“My only regret is that I didn’t return in time to save you.”_

‘Ashe?’

He was snapped from his thoughts by Ingrid calling out for him. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes, sorry, I just-…’ he brought out, noticing only now that he’d retreated into his own mind. A single tear had fallen down his cheek in the process.

He thought he’d run out of tears ages ago, but somehow his time travelling had renewed them tenfold.

‘I’m sorry…’ Ingrid murmured, fumbling to get out a handkerchief. ‘It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have told you this much at once. I just thought you’d want to know…’

Ashe shook his head, and gratefully took the handkerchief from her. ‘I’m glad you told me…I…didn’t realize it was this severe. But it’s important to me. I would have wanted to know that. Thank you.’

She quietly nodded, and Ashe finally started on his breakfast.

They spent the rest of the meal in silence, the young man having quite a lot to mull over in his head.

* * *

_ Azure Moon _

Dedue was already there when Ashe entered the greenhouse that afternoon.

He was busy watering some of the plants, which brought a small smile to the archer’s face. During their five year absence the greenhouse had fallen into decay, but under Dedue’s care, it was coming back to life already.

If this was how much he’d been able to do in just a month, how much time had he spent here exactly?

‘Hi.’ Ashe said softly, not wanting to disturb the other too much.

As he’d said, there was a significant amount of violets growing everywhere.

‘Ashe.’

When he smiled in greeting, Dedue returned it ever so slightly, making Ashe’s cheeks burn.

When had he become so expressive?

‘Need any help?’

Instead of answering, the man walked towards him. He was reminded of their height difference now that he wasn’t sitting or lying down, though he didn’t feel intimidated. He never had.

Dedue gently tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. ‘It suits you.’ he said.

That confused Ashe for a moment, before realizing he was talking about the violet still tucked behind his ear.

He’d forgotten all about it. Had he really walked around the monastery with it? It wasn’t as if he minded, but it was slightly embarrassing to think about.

‘They… _are_ still your favourites, right?’

‘Yes!’ Ashe brought out. ‘They are…I-…I love it. What you did with the greenhouse too.’ he spluttered.

‘I’m glad.’ Dedue said softly. ‘I hadn’t expected you to get to see them initially.’

He looked slightly solemn as he said this, and Ashe had taken a comforting hold of his hand before even realizing it. ‘I’m glad I got to.’ he said. ‘I’ve…missed you.’

It wasn’t entirely fair to say that. His being here eased the heartache of his friends, but he wasn’t _him_. The other Ashe was still dead. Dedue knew this, and yet the hopeful look in his eyes caused Ashe to slip into this role far too easily.

He felt like an impostor. He wasn’t Dedue’s, and Dedue’s wasn’t his either. In fact, the Dedue in his own time must have hated him, so what gave him the right to try again now?

Selfish needs and wishful thinking, perhaps.

The worst was that Dedue knew this, and he didn’t even seem to mind. He was as desperate for a second chance as Ashe himself, if the way he squeezed his hand comfortingly was anything to go by.

He’d never been a man of many words, but still the gesture spoke so loudly.

_I’ve missed you too._

_Please don’t leave again._

Ashe wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to live up to the other’s vision of him, though he was willing to try.

‘Would you still like to help?’ Dedue softly asked, and Ashe nodded. He’d kind of neglected gardening for a while now. If he couldn’t even take proper care of _himself_ , how was he supposed to care for living plants?

‘I’d like that.’

Dedue moved to pick up some of the pots then, while Ashe got the fresh soil. Aside from some small differences, the layout of the greenhouse hadn’t changed much from his own time.

Once they had the supplies ready, they got to work. There was a certain peace and serenity in simply digging your hands into the earth and feeling the sun on your face, which Ashe realized he’d missed for some time now.

Back in his own time, the greenhouse had felt suffocating. There was the occasional visitor, but it just didn’t feel the same. The place looked barren and gloomy to him no matter how much grew there.

The only thing it had been good for was being able to sit and think in solitude.

Crying sometimes too.

He tried not to think of that right now though. Instead, Ashe averted his gaze to glance at Dedue, who was very focussed on not accidentally tearing the roots of the plant he was holding.

It always amazed him how someone who looked so strong and intimidating could be so gentle at the same time. It was like despite the man’s sheer size, his heart was bigger still.

Ashe wondered if that meant Dedue wouldn’t hate him for all he’d done in the past.

Or well…future.

A future that was never going to happen here, if he had any say over it. He wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again. He wasn’t going to be a _coward_ again.

‘Are you alright?’

Oh. He must have been staring off into space.

‘Yes! I’m fine…it’s just…strange to be here again.’ he admitted as truthfully as possible. ‘With the war going on it’s easy to forget the joy in doing leisurely things sometimes.’

Dedue looked at him, seemingly hesitating for a moment. Ashe mentally prepared for the painful questions he was undoubtedly going to ask.

‘I won’t force you to enlighten me if you do not wish it, but I can tell you’re not as fine as you claim to be.’

At that, Ashe swallowed thickly. ‘Oh.’

The look of concern in the other’s eyes made his heart clench painfully.

‘If there’s every anything I can do to help…’

‘You’re already doing plenty.’ Ashe reassured him softly. ‘You’ve always been good at knowing just what to do to make someone feel at ease.’

Dedue visibly relaxed at those words. ‘I see.’

Ashe smiled softly, and slowly got back to what he was doing.

‘Still, you know where to find me, should you ever wish to talk.’ Dedue said, before following his example and getting back to work.

There was probably more they needed to discuss, but now was not the time. It was alright to just enjoy each other’s company for a moment. This already meant the world to him.

It was almost endearing to see how quickly they slipped back into their usual dynamic. There was a strange comfort in reaching for a simple gardening tool and finding it in exactly the same spot as it had been years ago.

What Ashe liked most however, was how they still managed to read each other so well even after all the time that had passed. If Ashe needed a new pot, Dedue had already placed it there before he’d even asked. If Dedue needed fresh soil, Ashe was already on his way to get it.

It made him happy to know that was the same no matter what timeline he was in.

A small butterfly landed on one of the flowers then, causing both of them to look up in surprise.

‘Oh.’ Ashe brought out. ‘That reminds me of that time-…’

‘-at the festival.’ Dedue finished the sentence for him.

The archer’s heart skipped a beat. ‘The butterflies kept chasing people wearing garlands. You had a whole flock of them at some point.’

The fact he’d looked positively ethereal in that moment back then remained unspoken.

‘Only thanks to your garland-making skills though.’ Dedue kindly added, at which Ashe let out a soft laugh. It made his heart feel so much lighter, knowing their interactions from before the war remained unchanged in this timeline.

‘It was fun, that day. Everyone looked so happy.’

Dedue nodded in agreement. ‘Let’s do it again once the war has ended.’

It implied that he’d still be here when that time came, and Ashe found that he didn’t mind the thought at all. He had nothing to go back to in his own timeline, if he even could, and the thought of spending time with his lost friends once more made him feel content.

‘I’d like that.’

Dedue smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

‘There’s a lot of things I’d like to do after the war. I never got to, so-…well, I’d like to do them here instead.’ he admitted.

The other man didn’t pry about his former timeline, which Ashe was grateful for.

‘Anything I can help make reality?’

He didn’t know where to begin. There were a lot of things he wanted to do with Dedue now that he had the chance. He wasn’t going to mess up again.

He wondered if it would be selfish to take this opportunity. Though even if it was, it would likely not be enough to stop him.

‘Well, you _did_ promise to show me Duscur one day.’ he started.

Dedue looked surprised. ‘That’s the first thing you think of?’

It didn’t sound accusatory, but rather…shocked. As if he didn’t think Ashe would find that important enough to mention.

‘Of course.’ he said, meeting his gaze. ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’

‘I just…didn’t expect it to have such priority. There are plenty of other things I imagined would pique your interest more.’

‘You’d be wrong about that.’ Ashe chuckled softly, putting down the pot he was holding. ‘Duscur means a lot to you, and you mean a lot to me. It’s quite simple, really.’

There was no mistaking the slight blush on Dedue’s cheeks, which Ashe considered a small victory.

‘Right. I hadn’t thought of it that way.’

Ashe toyed with the leaf of a nearby plant for a bit and continued. ‘And of course I’d like to continue gardening with you, even after we leave the monastery.’ he said. ‘Not to mention there are tons of recipes we haven’t shared yet.’

All of it really was just wishful thinking, of course. He couldn’t ignore his rapidly beating heart, or the awful feeling looming over him that either of them might still die. Not to mention there was no guarantee he didn’t have to go back to his own timeline.

Or perhaps, with his luck, the worst-case scenario would happen and Dedue would find out what he’d done.

Ashe was terrified. But he’d been a coward before, and that had done him no good at all. There had to be a reason he’d ended up in an altered timeline rather than a grave.

‘I’d like that.’ Dedue admitted softly. ‘Very much so.’

Ashe smiled at him, and meant it. For the first time since the war started, he felt hopeful.

‘It’s a promise then.’

This time, he intended to keep it.

* * *

_ Azure Moon _

‘Ah, Ashe. I’m glad you’re here.’ Byleth stated as he entered the room that was usually reserved for war council meetings.

He’d just returned from gardening with Dedue for almost the entire day, and the pleasant buzz that had caused still remained.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘I’m…good.’ he replied genuinely. ‘Everything almost felt _normal_ for a moment. Like I’d gone back to our days at Garreg Mach…’

The professor nodded, and looked at him with a hint of a smile on her face. ‘That’s great.’ she replied.

Of course, that’s not really what she was getting at when asking that question. There were still plenty of things they needed to figure out and discuss; one good day wouldn’t guarantee their future.

Anything was better than the pure despair he’d felt in his own time though.

She gestured for him to take a seat. ‘I’ve been thinking…’

‘…Yes?’

The woman seemed to hesitate for a while then. ‘You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.’ she reminded him.

‘Right.’

When she found no trace of discomfort on his face, the professor continued. ‘Would you feel comfortable telling me about your old timeline?’

Ashe looked down. He was afraid she might say that.

‘It’s a long story.’

A long story which he’d rather forget had happened at all.

Nevertheless, he could hardly continue living here and act like all of it had just been a bad dream. The choices he’d made had changed him as a person, not to mention affected those he cared about.

‘It’s alright if you take your time.’ Byleth tried reassuring him.

‘That’s not true, professor.’ Ashe replied solemnly. ‘There’s a war going on. What I have to say could change the outcome. There’s no time to be subtle about this.’

She sighed. ‘Sometimes I forget how much you’ve all grown these past years.’

Ashe quietly agreed. He’d seen enough tragedy for a lifetime.

‘Where do you want me to start?’

Byleth hesitated for a moment. ‘I suppose we should talk about the reason you’re here to begin with.’ she told him.

Oh. Right. He hadn’t exactly been subtle about that. He’d been too overwhelmed by this timeline to even consider thinking about what he’d done in detail, but there was no escaping it. He’d willingly jumped from the Goddess Tower and had somehow landed himself here. That alone was bound to worry his old professor.

‘I think you may have saved me with your powers somehow.’ Ashe told her. ‘I saw a purple light before losing consciousness, and the impact with the ground never came. Next thing I knew I was waking up here.’

Byleth nodded. ‘Usually, that power is only reserved for turning back the hands of time.’ she explained. ‘But I suppose, if the situation was dire enough…perhaps it may have caused a heavier reaction than usual. Magic does that too, sometimes. A Thoron spell cast when enraged is far more powerful than one cast when entirely calm.’

Ashe nodded. ‘That makes sense.’

It was quiet for a moment, before the young man spoke up once more. ‘I was… _truly_ ready to die in that moment.’ he admitted.

His old professor sucked in a breath, and looked at him. ‘What happened?’

‘Well, a lot happened.’ he murmured. ‘Mostly due to my own stupid decisions.’

‘Ashe-…’

The archer shook his head. ‘No, it’s true.’

He remembered it clear as day. The war had just started out, and everyone had gone their own way. Some went to their territories, others their family. Then there were those who didn’t know where to go at all, roaming around while clutching to the hope they’d be able to survive.

He himself had blindly followed Edelgard’s orders, because it was what everyone else was doing. Because it was _safe._ The professor had chosen this side, and he’d put his faith in her decision even after she’d disappeared.

He came to regret that in every passing day after, but there had been no going back.

‘I _chose_ to join Edelgard. I _chose_ to join her because I thought that would ensure the safety of my siblings and me. In the end, I hadn’t changed at all from when I was still living on the streets. I just selfishly did what seemed like the easiest way out and went with it.’ he rambled. ‘The worst is that it didn’t even make a difference.’

He felt her blue eyes looking right through him then. ‘Your siblings…’ she started. ‘Did they-…?’

Ashe’s heart was hammering in his chest. ‘No, they didn’t. I don’t think I would have been able to handle that.’

He paused for a moment. ‘More than I already couldn’t handle things, apparently.’ he added, looking down. ‘But…Dedue, and His Highness, and Ingrid, and well, everyone from the Church really…they all-…’

The professor seemed to understand, and thought his words over carefully. For someone who was usually so emotionally withdrawn, she could be very compassionate when it came to the feelings of her students.

‘This is not the same in this timeline.’ she stated. ‘And I have a feeling _you’re_ not the same either.’

Ashe clenched his fists. ‘If you’re asking if I’d join Edelgard again, if I had the chance, then no. I wouldn’t. Not after seeing what that did.’

Byleth’s gaze softened. ‘And how are you feeling aside from that?’

‘I’m alright.’ he repeated. ‘My headache’s gone, so that’s-’

‘Mentally, I mean.’ she corrected. ‘Just because you travelled here doesn’t mean those feelings will disappear all of a sudden. This may be a more positive timeline, but you still went through all of that misery first. I want to make sure you’re okay.’

She hesitated before murmuring the last part. ‘I don’t think we could handle losing you a second time.’

Ashe swallowed thickly, and slumped into his chair slightly. ‘Well, it’s-…I haven’t really found a moment to give it much thought yet…too many distractions to do so…’

‘Is that a good or a bad thing?’

‘Good.’ he quickly replied. ‘And I mean that. Everyone’s so… _hopeful_ here. And… _not dead_ , which helps too.’

He didn’t really want to think about that last part. It reminded him of everything he’d done wrong, and all the things he could have changed if he hadn’t been such a coward.

(In hindsight his actions probably wouldn’t have made much of a difference, but he refused to admit that).

‘I apologize for asking you all these difficult questions.’ Byleth then said, but Ashe shook his head.

‘No, it’s…important. So we can prevent bad things from in this timeline, I suppose.’ he said. With all the differences that applied already, he wasn’t even sure if it mattered.

But if he had to watch his friends die a second time, if he had to watch _Dedue_ die a second time-…

He’d jump from the Goddess Tower a hundred times over.

‘I’m glad you’re by His Highness’ side.’ he told the woman. ‘He wasn’t doing well, back then.’

Byleth looked solemn at that. ‘He still isn’t…’ 

‘Still, you being there must make it at least slightly more bearable.’ Ashe told her.

Her head perked up at that. ‘I wasn’t there for him, then?’

Oh. He hadn’t told her that, had he?

Ashe almost didn’t want to, either. Humans hated being confronted with their mistakes (he himself was no exception), but to hear about the mistakes another _you_ made…

How did one respond to that?

‘You made some…very different decisions back then.’ he eventually whispered.

One of the papers lying on the table was now crumpled in the professor’s hand. ‘You mean to tell me I sided with _Edelgard_?’

Ashe looked down. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-…’

Byleth’s expression changed when he said that, and she stood up to place a warm hand on his shoulder.

‘Ashe. None of this is your fault. You thought you did what was best. Things were different there.’ she tried. ‘If you’d sided with the Kingdom, you would have died alongside the others.’

‘Isn’t dying for your country the honourable thing to do? Dying like a true knight, rather than a coward?’

Byleth shook her head. ‘You’re not a coward for doing what you deemed best for those you love.’ she stated softly.

‘But that’s the thing. I _betrayed_ the ones I loved. I didn’t stay to protect them.’

The professor looked at him. ‘You can’t protect _everyone_. Some people won’t even _let_ you protect them…you cannot be blamed for that.’

Somehow, it almost sounded as if she was speaking from experience.

‘Either way, I don’t think you’re a coward. You’re strong, Ashe. Your only weakness is that you can’t see that for yourself.’

‘You think too highly of me.’ he murmured bitterly. ‘I’m not _him_. I’m not the Ashe from this timeline. You don’t know if I’m a good person or not.’

‘I think you’re more alike than you care to admit.’ she hummed, walking back to her chair. ‘Frankly, I’m convinced not a single timeline exists in which you are a bad person.’

Ashe let out a soft chuckle at that. ‘I doubt it, but thanks anyway.’

The professor left it at that, which Ashe was grateful for. He didn’t think he’d be able to take much more.

‘What will you do now?’ the professor asked him instead. ‘You can stay here if you want, but don’t feel pressured. I want you to choose for yourself.’

‘I’ll stay.’ he blurted out. He didn’t need to think about that for long. He had nothing to go back to in his own timeline (if he even _could_ ), and he had a responsibility here not to break his friends’ hearts a second time.

Byleth wasn’t completely able to hide the smile creeping onto her face. ‘I’m happy to hear that.’ she stated, and Ashe looked down.

‘Let me know if you need anything, or if you have any questions. I’ll be looking into the possibilities a bit more, so I’ll let you know if I find anything worthwhile.’

‘Thank you, professor.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for reading! <3 your kind words and support mean a lot to me, so thank you!


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